About scones

The Great British Scone Schism and Why We’re About to Make It Worse 🇬🇧🔥

There are polite British debates and then there’s the Cream Tea War.

This is not a culinary preference. This is sanity against asylum material.

Cream First — The Devonian Creed (The Only Correct Way)

Clotted cream goes first, because it is the butter of the gods, and one does not ice a cake before baking it. The jam is the accent, not the foundation. You build a scone, you do not decorate it. And besides putting cream seconds gives an ungodly slosh, it looks German.

If it’s not thick, scoopable clotted cream, the kind you could use in masonry, it’s not cream tea. End of.

“I serve cream first  and I assure you it is the correct way.”

— Queen Elizabeth II

If it’s good enough for Her Majesty… Cornwall may quietly go cry into its jam. We will provide the tissues.

The Only Acceptable Jam (Warning: Elitism Ahead) 🍓

✅ Seedless strawberry jam — exclusively

✅ Tiptree or Fortnum & Mason — “artisan local grandma jam” will not outrank the empire

❌ Supermarket own-brand

❌ Chunky jam with seeds

❌ “Reduced sugar wellness jam” — report directly to The Hague ( or shoot ).

And now for the riot:

We would like to note, quite calmly, that blueberry jam is actually delightful too.

(Sound of pitchforks being lifted across counties)

Cornwall’s (Incorrect) Position — Jam First

The Cornish argue that jam must go first because it spreads easier on a warm scone. They must have psychomotricity issues.

Which is adorable.

 “Jam first, always. Anything else is madness.”

Rick Stein

We like Rick. He’s lovely. But he is wrong. He should stick to fish.

" I vil have my slosh, das ist cream on ze top, schnell "

Adolf Hitler.

You see what kind of people we are dealing with here 

A Balkan Infiltration: Enter Kaymak 😈

And now, for the betrayal:

Turkish / Balkan kaymak — that luxuriously rich, cultured cream — is shockingly close to clotted cream.

And dare we say… on a warm scone, it is utterly glorious.

No, we’re not saying replace British tradition. But suggesting this at an EDL tea party could be entertaining.

The Final Truth (and the Correct Serving Order)

✅ Warm scone

✅ Clotted cream FIRST (Devon forever)

✅ Seedless strawberry (Tiptree or Fortnum’s)

✅ Optional kaymak if you wish to summon chaos

✅ Blueberry jam if you want to start a civil war before 4pm

Conclusion: Great Britain May Not Survive This Article 🇬🇧🫖

We love scones. We love tradition.

But we also love fanning culinary conflict like Victorian drama.

Cream first. Always.

Tiptree forever.

And kaymak… well — nobody is ready for that conversation.