Meat salad

 🥓 Salade de viande — the salad that cancelled vegetables

Only in Europe do we take the idea of salad 🌿… and replace every single leaf with pork. The French and Belgians call it salade de viande, the Germans have Fleischsalat, and lettuce is filing a formal complaint to the UN...which means nothing is going to happen .

Today’s bowl of wellness includes:

• diced ham 🐖

• leftover pork roast 🥩

• potentially white boudin.

• homemade mayo (the kind that could start wars)

• vinegar-pickled onions 🧅 & gherkins 🥒

• salt + black pepper, and exactly zero vegetables.

It’s a salad that doesn’t even pretend. It refuses to photosynthesize. Germans would approve — Fleischsalat is basically this, except they stick it in a sandwich and call it breakfast.

And this will reconcile your children with eating salad.

Great on crusty bread with cress.

🛠️ Method

1. Dice all your meats — ham, roast pork, boudin if included. Make it bite-friendly, not barbaric.

2. Add mayo generously. This isn’t the time to be shy. This is the dressing and the ideology.

3. Fold in the pickled onions and gherkins — they provide emotional balance, not health benefits.

4. Season with salt & black pepper. Taste. Add more mayo. Taste again. Accept who you are.

5. Chill 15–30 min if you’re civilised. Serve immediately if you’re German.

Pairings?

🍺 A cold lager or unfiltered German Kellerbier

🍷 A chilled Alsace Pinot Gris or dry Jura Savagnin

🥖 Crusty pain de campagne mandatory

Is it refreshing? Emotionally, yes.

Is mayo officially a vegetable now? We’ve decided yes.